the one about cringing at old work
We should be so lucky to keep looking back and cringing.
In my experience, there are two types of writers when it comes to revisiting old work. The ones, like one of my reporters, who go back to tinker with a missing comma or dangling modifier, and the ones who would rather sleep on train tracks than read old work again. I’m in the latter camp.
I can’t help but to cringe at Past Me’s writing. (Hi, Future Me! Hope you hate this, too.) Nevertheless, it’s a necessary evil for those who wish to improve on the craft. The problem is that–as with any art–it can be very subjective. Yes, you can improve clarity, flow, word choices, etc, but what happens when it’s the ideas you espoused that make you cringe?
There are two pieces of writing I never bring up, and I honestly always fear that someone else will. So, of course, I’m bringing them up here so hopefully I demystify them for myself.
My 2017 op-ed on how marches in D.C. weren’t really that effective.
A self-pubbed fantasy novel from 2021.
There’s a lot I could say about both of those, but I cringe at both because they do not represent my best work. However, that’s the point of creation and practice.
The op-ed was insipid in positing that people choose to protest in a different manner only because, at the time, I thought there were better tactics. I regret that part of it. But from a writing perspective, I’m glad it’s there hanging over my head as a reminder to think past myself and my worldview. The novel, I’m genuinely annoyed at myself because I know and knew I could do a better job. However, time wasn’t on my side. Largely–I’m impatient, and going through the traditional publishing route could’ve taken years. But, that impatience comes from growing up with death always looming over my family. So, I’m glad my dad got to see his and my mother’s last name registered in the Library of Congress before he passed away, so for that, I will forever love that novel. Other than that, I took it down because it was truly for me and my family–and I am a much better writer now.
I say all of this as a reminder to be proud of the work you do, even if just a part of it, or for what it meant at the time. At that moment, that was the best work you could do with the skills you had. Being able to look back and cringe means you have grown in your craft. We should be so lucky to keep looking back and cringing because we have grown so much.
(Also, please share your cringiest moments with me. I have exposed myself, and I need company!)