if Sansa Stark has no fans, it's bc i'm dead

If you hate Sansa Stark, you hate women. Sorry.

Hi, I’ve been rewatching Game of Thrones and, on my second watch, I remain committed to my favorite character: Sansa Stark.

I know, I know. “What about Arya? What about Jon? Danaerys? Tyrion?” Blah blah blah. 

The main complaint I heard (and still see on forums) about Sansa is that she was whiny and passive. Upon rewatch, Sansa stopped the whining in season 1 after her father’s beheading. She knew that whining would incur punishment.

The passive thing? Yeah, we can acknowledge that. But how is her passiveness different from Arya’s? The difference is that Arya was free to be mouthy, while Sansa wasn’t. They both had a turning point in season 5, with Arya training under the Many Faced God and Sansa learning from Littlefinger and surviving Ramsey Bolton. 

Sansa Stark was abused, and the hatred from her character, I’m sorry to say, comes from misogyny. Readers/viewers are educated that to suffer is to bleed, to be dismembered. Sansa’s suffering is quiet, mental and emotional–the physical abuse is mostly off-screen.

Here’s a quick list of the top lines: 

• The death of her dire wolf Lady: As a result of an altercation involving Arya, Joffrey, and Arya’s direwolf, Nymeria, Sansa's direwolf Lady is unjustly killed on the orders of Queen Cersei. This is one of the first major losses Sansa experiences.

• The execution of her father: Sansa is forced to watch as her father, Eddard Stark, is executed under false pretenses in King's Landing. She is also deceived into believing that Joffrey Baratheon, to whom she is betrothed, would show mercy.

• Forced betrothal to Joffrey Baratheon/Lannister: Sansa is engaged to one of the most cruel and sadistic characters (only rivaled by her later husband Ramsey). He verbally and physically abuses her, humiliates her in public, and forces her to endure his cruelty without any power to retaliate.

• Psychological abuse by Cersei Lannister: Sansa suffers under the manipulative and often cruel guidance of Cersei, who uses her as a pawn in the political games of King's Landing. Sansa is constantly under surveillance and pressured to behave in ways that align with Lannister's interests.

• Attempted assault by Ser Meryn Trant: In “A Clash of Kings,” during the chaos of the Battle of the Blackwater, Ser Meryn Trant of the Kingsguard attempts to physically assault Sansa. Though the act is not completed, it adds to the trauma she endures.

• Manipulation by Petyr Baelish (Littlefinger): Littlefinger orchestrates Sansa’s escape from King’s Landing but then manipulates her for his own gain. 

• The death of her aunt Lysa Arryn: Sansa witnesses the death of her aunt Lysa Arryn, who is murdered by Littlefinger. This event further isolates Sansa, as Lysa was her only remaining family member in the Eyrie.

• Physical abuse by Joffrey and Ramsey: Sansa is physically abused by the most hated characters in the entire story, and sexually assaulted by Ramsey on a regular basis.

As we revisit stories like Sansa Stark’s, it’s crucial that we recognize and critically understand the nuanced forms of violence against women. Sansa’s suffering is a reminder that abuse isn’t always loud or bloody; it can be insidious, psychological, and deeply damaging. Her journey forces us to confront how we perceive and dismiss the struggles of women whose pain doesn’t fit the dramatic, visible molds that media often portrays. I hope that we, as readers and viewers, sharpen our comprehension of these narratives, recognizing that the violence women endure is multifaceted and deserves our full attention and empathy.

While this list captures some of the significant hardships Sansa endures, it’s important to note that her character has one of the most incredible arcs, demonstrating resilience and growth in the face of these challenges, evolving from a naive young girl into a more cunning and strong-willed survivor. (We won’t be talking about those last seasons. They did everyone dirty, equally.)

Jon was always a warrior and trained as such. Arya always wanted to fight and trained as such. Tyrion was always a smart-ass. Sansa went from wanting to be a wife to Queen of the North.

May we all write as epic character arcs as hers.